She was in her nightdress, laying on her bed, hugging herself. The huge teddy, which she usually hugged was lying on the rug in the farthest corner of the room. The lifeless teddy couldn’t even hug itself.
Her eyes were frequently gazing at the ceiling fan which added an inharmonious sound to the otherwise eerie silence. It was like a world war inside her, and then the phone rang. She ignored, it rang again. She didn’t have the energy to even get irritated. And, then it rang again, this time the ring successfully jarred her out of her trance.
As she barely crawled to get her phone, the blankets decided to glide along with her – and unfortunately – somewhere in her subconscious it reminded her of her wedding gown which now lay in the other furthest corner of the room, a little torn just like her mind was torn between keeping the wedding gown or just throwing it out. But, she was not yet ready to let go.
What had gone wrong? No one had been able to figure out.
The phone just slipped out of her already limp hands, she didn’t know whether to be sad or happy or how to react.
Should she be happy that the one whom she had loved, the one who had promised her a dream life ahead, the same one who had also left her at the altar, how should she react to the news of his death?
It was unfair to her, he did not even give her time to run through the 5 stages of the breakup or rather 5 stages of moving on – denial, self-pity, anger, acceptance, moving on!
How could he do this to her?
She no longer had any confidence left in her and her decisions, she could not even decide whether to live or let go!
What was happening to Anjali was that she had literally fallen in love.
She was so completely attached to her ‘gaddar’ boyfriend that now without him, alive or dead, she felt completely lost? Let us see why this happened?
Here’s the real story..
The days spent with him started to flashback in front of Anjali’s eyes
1. From Day 1 of the relationship, she had this doubt in her mind – “is he the right guy for me?” Anjali could never get over her self-doubt about her decision of choosing him as a life partner. This led to her constantly looking at him with the same angle.
And then came the demanding for proof of love and finally Rohit (well, usually it is Rahul & Anjali as per K Jo movies, but ya this time it’s Rohit, sorry K Jo) felt suffocated and at the altar, he could not imagine himself spending his entire life with that feeling of suffocation and the pressure of constantly having to prove his love to someone. This is not about who is right or wrong, where do our sympathies lie? Does not matter. We all commonly know that whatever you focus on grows, Anjali’s focus on her doubt was so high, that she unknowingly ignored the subtle love that Rohit brought to her life.
2. Anjali remembered how she always tried to relate her love life to that of her favorite Bollywood movies and got disappointed when none of that happened in reality. There was no dancing around the trees, no “Mein tumhare bina ji nahi sakta dialogs” from Rohit. But, yes as she glanced at her beautiful antique Chester drawer cabinet that added to the beauty of her “Pinterest” style decorated bedroom; she saw the small sweet nothings that Rohit often surprised her with, Being a simple practical guy, it was nothing very fancy like in the movies. The Chumbak laptop pouch, a nice old style ink pen, a photo frame of the two of them together and some such small gifts that Rohit often bought for her.
Now, she remembered how she was never happy with the ‘lack of fanciness’ of the
gifts and always expected the gifts to be something better, and then she glanced at that life-size teddy bear which she had literally forced Rohit to buy for her and then she had shown it off all over her Instagram, and Whatsapp and Snapchat and Facebook.
Not that she did not cherish those gifts, but it was not Bollywood style! She needed
Now, she realized how stupid it was, taking love lessons from Bollywood.
3. Rohit, being spiritually inclined always talked about having a higher focus on life – which made no sense to Anjali – a happy go lucky girl. Her only focus was Rohit. Her life revolved around Rohit, so much that she lost her own identity and only Rohit’s death now jolted her back to her reality that she had to be without him. Now, she realized what Rohit used to say, “If we have a higher focus in life, then the fights are less. Imagine 2 people who have nothing else to do in life, just saying – “tum hi mera sab kuch ho” – how would they end up? Definitely breaking up.
So, if you are at such a stage in relationship or do not want to be at such a stage in your relationship – which goes from – “Tumhare bina mein jee nahi sakta” TO “Tumhare saath mein ab ek pal nahi reh sakta”
“focus on the self, love yourself” – Be your own Valentine!
If you have doubt, you will give doubt to the relationship.
If you have anger, you will give anger.
Only when you love yourself can you give love.
Finally, when Anjali realized this – and all she wanted was to give love to Rohit – he was nowhere around!
Suddenly Anjali was left with no choice, but to be strong and focus on the higher purpose in life. Only that would save her from drowning in this trauma.
Her parents, friends, teachers whom she had just forgotten when she was with Rohit – they all came to her help and supported her to stand on her own feet. This made Anjali- the movie buff – realize that – Relationship with a life partner is just one aspect of her life, she has so many other roles to play – that of a daughter, sister, friend, and the list goes on. She realized she had gone suicidal because she had made only her role as ‘Rohit’s lover’ her life. When that role got over – she felt useless and lost and hence had suicidal tendencies.
What happened to Anjali? Did she suicide?
Today, Anjali is a visionary counselor to young girls and boys, who have relationship issues.
It is definitely not easy to go through that phase, but yes, it definitely is a phase – not a permanent scenario. Referring to Bollywood, just like scenes in movies – phases in life to keep changing.
But, that’s all that we take from the movies, as of now.
Dr. Aditi Govitrikar, a supermodel and a doctor with MBBS degree and masters in psychology, works for mental wellness. She says – “We live in a culture where it is easier to be a critic than a celebrator. There is a prevalent epidemic of self-criticism that has left us woefully unskilled at self-love — that essential anchor of sanity, which both grounds and elevates our spirit. So the question to ask is how can anyone love a significant Other unless we learn to love ourself first? Having spent several Valentine’s alone, I gradually learned the art of being my own Valentine. ”
Today, Anjali has found her love, yes once again – (come on, be practical) – but still Rohit holds a special place in her heart – (come on, itna bhi practical na bano ki insensitive ho jao) – after all she learnt life’s and love’s most important lessons from her first true love, which she realised only after she had lost it.
If you ask her – “How to find your soul mate?”
She will waste no time in replying – “Find your soul first”.
ARTICLE WRITTEN BY – ILA AWATEIla is a writer by passion & profession! She is also a fashion stylist, professional life coach, a learning coach & a spiritual coach! Those who seek her guidance, always return uplifted with deep, transformational, practical insights and most importantly: with a smile!Her hobbies include travelling, listening soulful music, composing poems. She believes – “a smile in any given situation is the truest sign of success!”Keep Shining your Light.
Well, that is Anjali’s Sachche Pyaar Ki Kahaani – Now YOU – the readers aapka number finally lag gaya hai – which type of love category do you fall in?
Type 1: If you are of the type– ‘Aur Pyaar.. Pyaar to ek hi baar hota hai’ – Seriously? Look around you 😀
Type 2: If you have lost love, do not get disheartened. If Anjali can do it, so can you.
Type 3: And for those of you, who fall in and out of love every week – “Pyaar ek time pe ek hi se karna better hai” Come on even an ice cream is attractive – but do you go and propose the ‘ice cream’?
Crushes, sensations, feelings, emotions come and go!
Relationship better based on a commitment not on feelings!
Research says, no feeling is permanent and cannot last for more than 2 and quarter days, and as for the ice cream – it will start melting in less than 2 and a quarter minutes!
Type 4: If you do not have a date on Valentine’s day, do not rush into it just because many people around you have a date – for all you know – it may just be a ‘date’ not ‘true love’.
Type 5: If your crush runs away from you or no one has a crush on you – Love spending time with yourself only then other’s will love spending time with you. The right one will find you So, do comment what is your current status and we will give our best to help out
In either case –
We leave you with –
Be your own Valentine – Truly love yourself and true love will find you
Rise in love don’t fall in love
Happy Valentine’s Day!! 🙂 :*
Our special (we can’t thank you enough wala) thanks to Life Coach, Corporate
trainer, International Youth mentor and International Art of Living faculty Saleel
Pulekar for his precious inputs for this article.